track etiquette:
walk in walk lanes.
yield to runners.
look before crossing over the track.
look before switching lanes.
simple as that, you stupid, inconsiderate fucks.
p.s. ben roethlisberger is SO innocent. that chick is a psycho bitch, obvi.
post post script i wanna start a twitter where i only update it when i am sauced. i think it could more popular than perez hilton’s twitter?
5 reasons why i hate my job
1. women who laugh and say “100%” when i ask what percentage of the household cleaning/grocery shopping/cooking they do. oh really, that’s funny? that you have a pig husband who does no chores, shopping or cooking. wow, yes you’re sexist marriage is hilarious. or the women are just full of shit and give no credit to their husbands. i don’t know which is worse.
2. people who come up with boring articulation answers. me: “if you could be invisible for one hour what would you do?” 99% of women: “i would spy on my kids.” is your life so lame and dull the most exciting thing you would do with one hour of invisibility is spy on your kids? i’m giving you the opportunity of a lifetime and you want to spy on your fucking kids at school. god you’re fucking boring.
3. little dipshit kids who pick up the phone and don’t know how to take a message. seriously, when your three year-old picks up the phone and asks who it is it may be cute at first, but then it’s not so cute when they screen the call or hang up. because then i just want to call back and curse out the mom for raising a rude, inconsiderate, pissant child.
4. people who don’t know how to answer questions correctly. when i ask you if you have purchased any of the following brands in the last three months say ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ not ‘maybe’ or ‘probably’ or ‘i purchased it like six months ago,’ that is not what i asked, dumbass. also, people who cannot answer in a timely fashion also irritate me to no end. if it takes you 5 minutes to remember whether you purchased frozen pizza in the last month i will terminate you on the basis of you annoying the shit out of me.
5. bitches and assholes who sit and complain about how they never qualify for a study. first off, most of those people were probably in a study not more than one year ago; second, if you are so damn upset then tell me to take you off the list so you won’t be rejected further from studies; and third, i really don’t care. the real reason why these people don’t make it into studies is because they are fat and ugly, at least that is the conclusion i’m making.
FML
nip/tuck is awesome. my first two children are gong to be named sean and christian… even if they are f-ing girls. strangely enough sean can be a girl’s name and christian can easily be turned into a feminine name. tee hee i’m so funny.
so i finally remembered to write in this thing and the topic of discussion issssssss….
POOP.
so i’m not too sure what the hell was going on this week at work, but at least once every day this week i have walked into the women’s bathroom and been completely blindsided by numerous shit smells. i mean i can’t get mad because clearly that is something that can’t be helped, but, ugh god, it’s so gross to smell other people’s poop. obvi i go into the unisex bathroom when that happens. maybe we just need better ventilation. we also need a sign that says: “if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie.”
so i just signed up to do market research with a bunch of companies a few minutes ago and realized i can’t ever apply to work at these places if i ever wanted to in the future. i lied and said i was coordinator at an insurance company because obviously you can’t do market research studies if you work at a market research company. just trying to pick up a few dollars on the side. i feel guilty now for lying =(
i really hate typing on this stupid mac. i miss my PC keyboard.
valentine’s day i went down to a south side bar called bourbon street and i freaking saw inna from rock of love. i walked into the the bathroom and i was like wow that girl looks really familiar and i thought it was her but i was so freaked out i didn’t even know what to say. but i waved at her later on in the night and she waved back. we’re bff now obvi.
why is is f-ing snowing outside?
if i was in prison i would get high everyday.
i woke up this morning and had a weird feeling. it felt like it was going to be a good day, but then nothing exceptional happened. i was very disappointed.
okay i’m done. bye.
i realized that when i’m at work i do stuff with my hands a lot. i look at them. i pick at my nails. i pick things with my nails. i chip off my nail polish. i chew my nails. i run my hands through my hair. and when i came to that realization today i wondered why. and then i was like… uh, duh ‘cause your job is boring and you have nothing better to do. sucks, you know. that my brain is wasted like that.
today was really bad though because i was calling old men, whom i hate to call, and i have been stuck on this one stupid snack study for a week and half. seriously, people are fools. people are like well what do you consider a snack? uh i don’t know, a 12 pound turkey that you broil before a light lunch? idiots, what do you consider a snack? and i hate calling these men because their wives answer and think i’m like their husband’s prostitute trying to set up an appointment because the stupid bitches hang the phone up on me. ugh, whatever they’re probably old and fat and i’m not. fucking skanks.
on a random note: the new real world sucks real bad so far. i don’t really like any of the people on it. baya, sarah and j.d. are pretty much the only okay people, but still it sucks and is boring. hollywood was so much better. why am i still watching this crap?
the shalom bus predicted another good weekend! bee and i traveled to our homeland of champaign for friday night. it was spectacular. i saw all the people i wanted to see (di peeps, the boys, adv 400 people), went to all the places i wanted to go (brohas, legend’s, merry ann’s, tis) and did all the things i wanted to do (get hammered, stay up til 7 a.m., laugh until my sides killed). if i learned anything down in champaign it was that i might be a little too old for college bars and bee is a rage-aholic behind the wheel.
top three super bowl commercials:
3. Copycat Mean Joe Green (Coca-Cola)
2. Tires getting jacked off the moon (Bridgestone)
1. Swedish Conan O’Brien (Bud Light)
if you haven’t seen them: watch them. but the best part of the super bowl was the game itself! of course i was a tad disappointed with the outcome but it was an exciting fourth quarter nonetheless. poor kurt warner… tear.
the last thing that has been on my mind the past two days has been poor michael phelps. people need to leave him the fuck alone. omg let’s have heart attacks because a 23 year-old took a hit off a bong. BFD!!!! michael phelps wasn’t brought into this world to raise your kids; be your own kid’s role model. he’s not perfect, neither are you, and when it comes down to it, only god can judge. so to all the people that are mad or disappointed with him… FUCK OFF AND GET A LIFE!
god, i fucking love spending money! i get like a high when i shop and spend my hard-earned (ha, who am i kidding?) cash. i went to ulta today because i had a coupon for 20% off specified items in a catalog they sent members. i ended up spending $17 on too faced lash injection mascara. i’ve never spent that much on a single piece of makeup, but i’m so excited to try it out tomorrow! then because i had another coupon i went online because i wanted to try out this l’oreal cleanser, but then i had to spend $50 to get free shipping (because duh im not going to spend $6 on shipping for a $5 item) i like want to jump and scream out in excitement because i love buying things. i might have problems.
so speaking of exciting things, last weekend was pretty much the shit. downtown friday for a four hour happy hour at mother hubbard’s with u of i peeps which led to me running out on a bar tab at the ogilvie train station which led to me meeting some strange 37 year-old scottish chap on the drunk train ride home which led to an impromptu run to the gay bar with jamie which led to me meeting a hot fake british guy which led to coming home at 6 a.m. which led to a lovely saturday morning chat with bee which led to a five-hour date with hot fake british guy in chicago (yes, i said a date) which led to sunday movie night with laura watching shitty horror films. wow i’m tired just reading that paragraph over again.
i knew 2009 would be a good year.
p.s. this week at work i discovered a lot of parents don’t feed their children enough vegetables. sad really.
ugh. i have a feeling this week may suck. not too sure why. i need to drink this weekend. i could really use a miller lite bottle right now. if i wasn’t in my parent’s basement i totally would go get a 12-pack and drink until eventual black out, but noooo, i have to worry about them judging me. lame.
mother dear has said about six words to me in the past four days. not too sure why, but i’m not up for passive aggressive games, so if you’re mad just let me know why, otherwise get over it. also, my parents conveniently forgot to invite me to dinner two nights in a row. that was one step down from an actual slap in the face. i cannot wait to move out. i need more money though. boo.
random: i really want finger sandwiches right now. cucumber and cream cheese on white bread with no crust. yum-O.
superbowl soon! i’m going to say the steelers are gonna win, but i want the cardinals to win just because they haven’t won since like 1947?
okay, i’m gonna go take my nose piercing out. it’s the end of an era…
